Beautiful and Insecure

Here it comes out, a truth I'm ashamed of,
I'm insecure and its not attractive.
I'm a child holding onto my daddy's leg
and people intimidate me and life is a stage.
But with that insecurity, comes pride,
hand in hand, its ugly and can't hide.
As I release the truth that I hold inside
These lies that feed on fear,
I'm tired of belittling thoughts and tears.
I'm sheltered; I'm uncultured
As much as I try to fit in with the crowd
the insecurity of being awkward, speaks out loud.

Even the thought of you reading this, makes me nervous
to look like a fool; this world is crippling and dangerous
This society, these people, its "coolness", its individualism,
its broadening, its various, the many paths, the many beliefs,
its not like the 50's, its not like the movies,
I miss the innocence, I miss the fantasies,
of God loving people; not these high society intellectuals,
with their money and degrees.
I hate what I see but when I like what I see,
when I know I can't match up, I'm filled with jealousy.
I can be bold and courageous when it comes to heroism,
but to be boisterous in myself, is a different situation.
I'm a coward and not outspoken, unless I'm fighting for the broken,
My heart is there for those who are humble,
for those not ashamed to admit that they stumble.

I seek hearts like mine and friendships you can't find,
to most who would read this, I think will like me less,
because I'm weak; but I know I'm free,
And God untangles the mess.
If you seek popularity, for me, that's a rarity,
but if you want a friend who would listen,
I'll encourage and lift up;
I'll even spoil you and be sincere,
because my God loved you first and wants you to hear.
Only those who find the narrow path,
will find the love that the rest have past.

So I am human, just like you,
and I have my down falls and I admit its true,
I forgive those who hurt me,
I try to love my enemies.
With all the negative that's within you and me,
there are angels, fighting for our victory.
To find His love and peace, my relationship with God,
has brought me to my knees.
In my humanness, I'm fearful, doubtful of my abilities,
In my God-sightedness, I'm beautiful and brave in spiritual qualities

I feel like the songwriter David,
whose fighting the world; Goliath,
in reality, I have no chance,
but God is my song and I fight with his breath.
He won't let me be defeated,
He gives us His words for ammunition
and His love for rest-

 


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